Cruel Twist of Fate

Why is it that I have to be reminded many times every day?  So many things, sometimes seemingly random in nature, appear to remind me.  I can be concentrating on something completely unrelated and then out of nowhere, something shows up to remind me.... endless suffering it is.  Cruel twist of fate indeed.

Favorite Quote This Week...

"You are bad, but in a good way"...

Love This

"Oh! What a tangled web we weave.  When first we practice to deceive!"
From the poem Marmion, Sir Walter Scott.

Sometimes...

I feel like a part time source of entertainment. 

Great Quote of the Week

"Together we share synergy, at least I know I am better with you than without you"...

In the Pursuit of.....?

I am quite sure that my recent efforts have been little more than futile... why is it that we want so badly what we cannot have? It almost seems to make us want that thing even more knowing that we simply cannot have it.... madness!

Even though I firmly believe that I will likely never get what I want, I will still try, and of course fail. Yet, that only seems to make me want to try harder, or try something different that may just work... after all, the definition of insanity is often stated as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So, of course I will try different tactics, strategies, plans of action. None of which, of course, will actually work. But I will likely keep trying. Or perhaps, one day I will come to my senses or wake up to reality and realize it is a dead end road.

Time will tell. Let's just hope I don't drive myself to the point of insanity in the meantime.
:-S

In The Face of Uncertainty

I've been thinking about a lot lately, causing myself much mental anguish and torment. Faced with uncertainty and an inherent inability to make decisions for myself, I feel like the last few weeks have passed with me being in some sort of a daze or a trance. Some new things have cropped up that occupy a lot of my mind's time, sometimes interfering with day to day life. I even somehow missed a very important deadline, one that almost shocked me back into reality..... almost. Once the scare of that particular event diminished slightly (all because a very sympathetic post office worker took some pity on me), I somehow managed to block the potential consequences of my oversight out of my mind. I then allowed my mind to preoccupy itself with its previous distractions... trying desperately to block them out, but being ever so unsuccessful.

The human mind is a curious thing for sure. It makes me wonder why I can so easily block certain things out, yet others linger, sometimes to the point of making me close to miserable. I am an analytical person by nature, carefully contemplating all of my options ad nausem. Sometimes I cannot come to an answer that satisfies me. And so, the torment continues. Being indecisive can have its advantages... we almost never make a decision in haste or without careful thought. A major problem of mine is seemingly knowing exactly what I want, but not being able to see a clear path to get there.

AAC Nationals are just over 4 weeks away, and I must turn my focus onto practicing for this prestigious event. When I am fortunate enough to get to work with my dogs, I forget about everything else... I am able to focus in the moment, and be there 100% for my dog. This is a skill I have worked on over the years. It took some practice on my part.

And so, the distracted mind shall continue on I suppose, as I have no reliable skill for dealing with that. As I prepare to start a new chapter in my life this week, I hope that my decisions leading up to this were good ones.

Ready or Not, Regionals Are Almost Here...

As I work on my last minute preparations for the Ontario AAC Agility Regional Championships this upcoming weekend, it is with a heavy heart I gather up all the things I will need. I received word this week that 2 of my friends, who are also fellow dog sport enthusiasts, have had their dogs pass away long before what should have been "their time". One of these friends was supposed to be competing along side me this weekend, the other was competing at her own regional championship just last weekend. Both dogs succumbed to an untimely death. It is with great sadness and sorrow that I now try and prepare to compete this weekend. I also have been thinking quite a bit lately about how really unprepared I am to compete. I have not been able to continue with my weekly lessons. This has been eating at the very pit of my soul for some time now. My new work schedule just does not seem amenable to private agility lessons, nor group lessons, nor once a month fun-match style training. I feel that missing out on expert coaching and advice really puts me at a disadvantage at the big competitions. I know we are capable of doing quite well, but without regular coaching and instruction, our skills can't help but falter. I feel like my dogs deserve far more than I have been able to give them these last 6 months, and I am hitting a wall I cannot get around. This has really been my focus... I am actually quite angry that my job has interfered with my agility life so much that I am unable to attend any of the training that I consider so valuable. How it will affect our performance this weekend remains to be seen.

On the other side of things, in light of the recent sad news of these poor dogs who were taken far too soon, I am extremely grateful that I still have my dog with me and that I am able to run with him in a regional championship. How lucky I feel to have my dog by my side. I shall never, ever take for granted any time I have with him. Our time with our canine companions is so short, and it hurts so much when that time is cut off long before it should be.

This weekend I will not focus on the fact that I have missed out on half a year's worth of expert instruction. I will not focus on the fact that I am angry and frustrated with my current job situation. I will simply enjoy the time I have with my dogs, and I will love every moment I have in the ring with them. I will enjoy every "dance" on every "dance floor" with every "partner". Simply because we just never know when it will be the last "dance"...

Blaze - Agility Trial Champion of Canada

Neglectful Blog Owner

I have really been neglecting by blog lately... A LOT.... Truth be known, I actually love blogging. It is so extremely satisfying to have a place where I can put my thoughts down where I don't have to think about who I have to please other than myself. Sound selfish? I don't think so... In so many instances in our lives where we are required to write something, quite often it is really for someone else, and we must constantly think about pleasing those parties in some way. Here of course I do want to please my readers, but honestly the number one reason I do this is to please myself. If others happen to get something out of it, then that is a "bonus". I do try to make my posts interesting, funny, and well written. But my true underlying desire is self satisfaction.

The main reason I have been so neglectful lately is that I find that I have little or no time for anything, and it is stressing me out quite a bit. My work schedule is quite demanding, something I am trying to change. I also suffer (immensely) with dial-up internet service, so uploading anything is painfully slow at best. I plan to put up a few back - posts here on the blog, as there have been some important events I wanted to document lately. Until then, I'll continue on, trying to find some balance in my life.

To Pexy or Not To Pexy?

Right lateral abdominal radiograph taken of Cole shortly after arrival at the Huronia Veterinary Emergency Clinic.

On Easter Sunday, right around dinner time, Cole had an episode of "mild to moderate" gas distension of his stomach. A state of silent panic started inside me as soon as I saw this image. The DVM on duty was not overly concerned about it, but erred on the side of caution and recommended to keep Cole for observation and treatment if necessary. There was no torsion of his stomach, and the gas resolved on its own with only minimal treatment. Upon discharge, it was recommended that I discuss a prophylactic gastropexy with my regular DVM, although the ER vet would not necessarily recommend this himself.

This is where the dilemma begins.... There is much controversy right now in the veterinary community about whether preventative gastropexies should be performed. Some pet owners of high risk breeds are opting to have this procedure done while the pet is in for his / her spay or neuter. Cole's situation is a little bit different, as he has now had an episode of gas build up in his stomach, the precursor to bloat and GDV. Because I own one of the "high risk" breeds, I am always on high alert when it comes to GDV. Arlo's littermate, Mika, had a full blown GDV not long ago while in my care. I caught it immediately, and I knew what was going on. I got her in to my vet right away, and she was rushed into surgery. She survived with no complications. Not all do.

Based on Cole's history and the recent research I have done, I am leaning really heavily towards having the gastropexy done. There are many good reasons in my mind to have this procedure done now. He will be stable when he goes in for surgery rather than in a life threatening state of health. Post-op complications will likely be far less than if he'd had the procedure done post GDV. There is always a risk with any surgery. The risk would be far, far greater if I decided to "wait and see". Dogs that bloat once almost always will bloat again. It is usually just a matter of time... If Cole develops a GDV and I am not here to catch it right away, the outcome could be devastating. That is simply a risk I do not want to take.

Introducing Lexus

Lexus, a black female German Shepherd, rescued from the Humane Society of Kawartha Lakes.

I happened upon a story a few days ago, through the use of facebook, of a German Shepherd in special circumstances. She had been deemed "unadoptable", and was thus not being offered to the general public. Because I know the fate of some other GSD's that have found themselves in this situation, I contacted a staff member of this shelter right away to see if I could help. Her description sounded to me like a drivey dog, whose typical GSD traits were getting her in trouble in a shelter situation. Unfortunately for this breed (and some others), they often don't present themselves well in a shelter environment, and sometimes their behaviours appear to be something other than what they are. Sometimes it takes someone who has in depth knowledge of the breed, and years of experience working with these dogs to get involved and help out a dog who needs help. There are very few behaviour problems I have not had to personally deal with, and my deep love and admiration for these dogs has given me an ability to read them very well.

Lexus had been surrendered to the shelter by her original family. She was then adopted out to another family, but returned shortly after. Due to a number of issues, she was no longer being offered up for adoption to the general public. I made the decision to rescue her, certain that she was just not in the right environment.

The staff and volunteers at this shelter are amazing people. They loved this little girl, and did not want to see her destroyed, as they could see her potential. When I showed up to get her, one of the ladies working there told me that I was the "angel" they have been waiting for... The truth is however, that they are really the "angels". If not for them and their belief in this dog, I never would have known about her in the first place. I commend them for their big hearts and their desire to help Lexus find an appropriate home.

Lexus is now in my home, and is potentially up for adoption to the right home. She is 16 months old, spayed, and up to date on her vaccines. She is so far a very sweet girl, who has been very calm in my home. She has shown no signs of any aggression towards my males, and prefers to just observe the other dogs at a distance. She is very quiet, clean, and content in her crate. She loves to play fetch. I'm hoping once she gets to know me a little better, she will bond nicely. She is a smaller female, and very athletic in build. She is very fast when pursuing her ball. I'm hoping she will enjoy the sport of agility, and I will be introducing her to some agility training as soon as she is settled and comfortable here.
Lexus digging in the snow for a tiny stick she found.


Lexus and the Hol-ee Roller... a very popular and durable dog toy...


She loves to fetch!



The Hol-ee Roller...


Very pretty little girl.

Lexus... :-)