In The Face of Uncertainty

I've been thinking about a lot lately, causing myself much mental anguish and torment. Faced with uncertainty and an inherent inability to make decisions for myself, I feel like the last few weeks have passed with me being in some sort of a daze or a trance. Some new things have cropped up that occupy a lot of my mind's time, sometimes interfering with day to day life. I even somehow missed a very important deadline, one that almost shocked me back into reality..... almost. Once the scare of that particular event diminished slightly (all because a very sympathetic post office worker took some pity on me), I somehow managed to block the potential consequences of my oversight out of my mind. I then allowed my mind to preoccupy itself with its previous distractions... trying desperately to block them out, but being ever so unsuccessful.

The human mind is a curious thing for sure. It makes me wonder why I can so easily block certain things out, yet others linger, sometimes to the point of making me close to miserable. I am an analytical person by nature, carefully contemplating all of my options ad nausem. Sometimes I cannot come to an answer that satisfies me. And so, the torment continues. Being indecisive can have its advantages... we almost never make a decision in haste or without careful thought. A major problem of mine is seemingly knowing exactly what I want, but not being able to see a clear path to get there.

AAC Nationals are just over 4 weeks away, and I must turn my focus onto practicing for this prestigious event. When I am fortunate enough to get to work with my dogs, I forget about everything else... I am able to focus in the moment, and be there 100% for my dog. This is a skill I have worked on over the years. It took some practice on my part.

And so, the distracted mind shall continue on I suppose, as I have no reliable skill for dealing with that. As I prepare to start a new chapter in my life this week, I hope that my decisions leading up to this were good ones.